Chocolat

-GREAT BIG STRETCH+YAWN-

-smile-

I'm revelling in the leisure of the morning. Though my head feels a little funny from the fitful sleep last night, plus I know I'm gonna be quite miserable towards the last few hours of my shift today, I'm reading the papers like as if I really enjoy it. Haha.. Breakfast was a soup I woke up at 6 to make. And exercise was a walk to buy milk with the puppydawg.

-sorry- to kat and liang cuz i can't go to the comex fair with/to visit you guys.. liang i hope u get the ipod.. not. hurhur -attack the pillow of a tummy-

Joanne Peh's ringtone ads are gross.

A Question.

Anger, hatred, passion, love, pain.

Kenny is blonde.

67 days down.
91 days to go.
3 months.
12 weeks.

To a break in the routine chain. To another halfshot at education, to another halfchance to work hard.

Quote of the week by Liang: "My stomach is cute like a pillow."

Put on my happy face.

They say that everybody loses 21 grammes of their body weight the exact moment they die.

Everybody.

My Silver Lining

HUGE HUGE HUGE dark cloud.

Thing about clouds is that they never stay in the same spot. Not ever. No matter how huge or dark they are, they either get blown away in time, or rain down on earth and flow awayyy into the depths of dirt.

Thanks to the angels in my friends that God sent to help me in my tough times.

To James who is there with the big-man-hugs, and the words and scolding.

To Liang, who can joke in the most deadpan serious way that it makes me laugh in my tears, stand up and walk when all I feel like doing is disintegrating.

To all my friends, whom I have neglected due to self involvement and procrastination.

Most of all, to these two babes of angels:

To my dear dear Ceng, whose attitude in life jolted me awake. For inspiring me without even trying to, at a time when I most needed hope and faith in life. Who is fun to speed shop with. Whose leaving makes me realize I'm fortunate that I have her around me for now.

To Kat, who didn't care whether I wanted love or not, and is just there to love me. For showing up at my door when I refused her calls, for bringing the hugs to me when I didn't go to her for them. For being the wise and level headed best friend.

I may be neurotic and quiet at times, messed up and crazy at others, but I wished I could be wiser and a better person. For me, for all of you. Love love love love yas.

Refuse me.

I'm on the outside, I'm looking in.
And I can see through you.
See your true colours.
Inside you're ugly, ugly like me.
Cuz I can see through you, see the real you.

I'm a speck.

An unnoticed blemish on the face of this earth.
I kick and scream at things so they turn and realize my existence, and "tsch" at me. Then they flick me off with their nail.

-yells fading.. fades.-

And I land somewhere with a tiny splat. Then I do the kicking thing, followed by the tsching thing, then the yelling thing.

Is this the way my world spins?

I look at those "I am strong" girls, and sometimes I pretend I'm like them. But when I walk home I just start crying and having to walk faster because I need a tissue. Haha.

Besides the speck theory, my life also feels like a restaurant. People come at lunch, the place is bursting with life and clinkclanks of the plates and forks, chatter, laughter and aroma of food. After lunch, the trickle of people lessens to just a few close friends enjoying drinks and conversation. At dinner, it's romance and dancing, roses and kisses. Then quiet. People drive away, and the restaurant watches. The brightness outside is glaring in contrast to the unlit interior.

My life is the restaurant. I probably am the old lady who cleans the floor.

Or the speck.

Carnival of Lights.

Kat and I met at the Esplande to catch some action of fire and magic.

We bought a Subway and were there 2 hours early, simply for the lack of things to do. We were lucky we got there early. The crowd grew like you'd never believe.

Kat looks really cute and radiant in this blurry pic, and I look like a dork with my hairthingamagik between my teeth.


I swear I didn't make her cry.


Kat pondering in peace, oblivious about the two million people sitting behind her.


Got there early and dug into the sandwich. See how much Kat loves those?


Death hug.


Some grads from some U walking like runway models.


Kat gets nostalgic.


I was disgusted, at something.


A frame that was taken at least a billion times by thousands.


And the magic was all worth it.


Fat came to join us just before the fireworks started, but the crowd was so whaapa! that he couldnt get to us. But here's a lousy picture of him and I at some void deck after supper.

Wits' Beginning.

We have alot to lose, true.

But we have EVERYTHING to gain.

I like you, and you like me. There isn't a simpler equation than that.And not another more beautiful.

Just wanna be there to listen, to comfort, to hold, and to get thru together. And I want just those things from you. Stop making it so complicated.

Just tell me if you don't love me. Say it. Say it and it will all be over.

She thought you cared.

Men constantly whine about not bveing able to read women's minds.

Truth is, do you guys even bother?

How many guys go home and read their girlfriends' blog word for word, taking in all in no matter how wordy and lengthy the posts are? It sounds like such a petty thing to do, to be angry with your man because he did not read your blog. -rolls eyes- But the way she sees it, is that if anyone should bother to read her thoughts and words, it should be you more than anyone else.

So what if they're marafungustic words? So what if it's just bimbotic comments of the ongoings of her days?

Those are just your excuses. Plainly, you just don't care. It doesnt make a spot of a difference to you.

The reason why girls stop being gentle after the beginning of a relationship is because guys stop noticing it.

I hate ultimatums. I hate you.

Your mom and me.

Everything's gonna be ok.

I've said that line more times than I believe it in the last few weeks. It's not that I'm afraid to face this world by myself, but it seems to be getting scarier and scarier. Who's there left to trust?

Been thinking that instead of getting a car or a bike when I have money, I shall get myself a van. Haha.. I will stock the back with books, and install lights.

It feels like I'm lying naked in the middle of a huge plain on a winter's night. Grinning. And saying out loud "It's not cold, it's not cold, it's not cold."

But it sure is.

Check My Man.

Alright, he isn't mine.
But look how bright and shiny!

check.
Give his videos a peek, I think it's the brit accent that gets me at the uterus.

I'm fooling somebody
A faithless path to roam
Deceiving to breath this secretly
This silence, a silence I can't bear

I was sitting in the train on the way to work. I had finished reading the book that was in my bag, so I got to thinking. How many times have you poked someone in the nostril?

I've done it 3 times I think. All Liang. When Liang and I hang out it's pretty routine. We sit around and talk, he farts and laughs, and I do the molecules thing and he laughs somemore. Then he opens his mouth and falls asleep.

Fireworks day! Sunday. Remember to go hang out at Marina, everyone.

Feigned excitement.

Complains.

Right now, it's really hard to feel excited in life. Really machiam to look forward to anymore. Now I understand why girls like to cut their hair after break ups. So that they can expect some reaction from their friends, and know that there is still a hint of existence.

Let's see. I'm getting quite bored of my SIP, and they owe me 2 months pay. My hormones are going mad and giving me bad skin. I have to go to a wedding ALONE on sunday. Out of cash, out of cash, out of cash.

But I have Janet Evanovich's book 7, 8, 9, and 10 to look forward to. My only security left. Wow life is sad.

-points fingers at everyone else- you guys are lucky, ok? hurhur.. =)

Liang and AnLi KaoBeis.

We are like those huge, dumb guys u see on tv.
White trash.
For those from Anglican, you might have a vague understanding for the following lengthy conversation. And I apologize to the people that were in the line of our fire. Haha..

late night gentle msn humour.

hole in the head. says: and fat made up this joke

<^> bodoh macham ! says: wadwad wad..

<^> bodoh macham ! says: im betting my ass its lame..

hole in the head. says: that deno's tattoo was a dino

<^> bodoh macham ! says: .......................................

hole in the head. says: haha

<^> bodoh macham ! says: im gonna do a munjing

<^> bodoh macham ! says:-_-.........................................

hole in the head. says: haha

hole in the head. says: WRONG

<^> bodoh macham ! says: -_-"'....................................

hole in the head. says: yea

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hahah!

<^> bodoh macham ! says: ha ha ha..

hole in the head. says: -_-"""""""""""""""

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hah ha hah ha/.

<^> bodoh macham ! says: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

<^> bodoh macham ! says: ha ha ha..

hole in the head. says: -_-"""""

hole in the head. says: *PENGZZZZ*

<^> bodoh macham ! says: smoke... on the wahter..........

<^> bodoh macham ! says: fall off chair..

hole in the head. says: *pengz*

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hahahaha

hole in the head. says: haha

hole in the head. says: not much left to do

<^> bodoh macham ! says: yar..

<^> bodoh macham ! says: only these few..

hole in the head. says: let's do james

hole in the head. says: on the count of 3

hole in the head. says: 1

hole in the head. says: 2

hole in the head. says: 3

hole in the head. says: BAMMMM!!!!!!!

<^> bodoh macham ! says: bam!!!!

hole in the head. says: hahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hahahaahhahahaah.....

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hai..

<^> bodoh macham ! says: we are so kb..

Alright, I'm fickle.

I'm back! A clean slate, or so I think.

I tried blogging for myself awhile,
but it became too personal and I was losing a little control there.
So I think I should blog here,
I might control myself abit if I was worried people were gonna judge me from what I was writing. Haha..

That's what blogging has become, isn't it? Creating an image for your life and yourself, assuring your readers/friends that you are fine, announcing the grievances that your boyfriend and sluts and bitches have dealt to you.

This industry is about hyprocrisy. In fact, this generation is filled with phoneys.

And I am becoming cynical.

*pops champange in celebration*

My cosy little pleasant blog.

ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember ember