Kat is still the same

Kat and I talked about not getting personal in writing online.

I realized how impersonal I get nowadays. (I always have trouble with that. Im,Un,Dis) The more I see people whine, the more I feel it's for self-validation, the less I want to be like that. I'm so afraid to appear as someone I won't like, I don't quite appear anymore. Ah, well.

Managed a serious fuck-up at work recently, and it was all it took to take a huge bite off my spirit. Yeah, I can say the comforting things myself, people make mistakes, it will all seem ok in awhile.. But SHIT why did I have to fuck up?

Please refer to paragraph above. See, when I write about things that happen to me, it sounds like nobody would quite know what I'm talking about. No la, I'm not trying to be secretive. No *ahems* and xxx unmentionables.

TohKiYoKoo!

Warning: Strong homsexual content.



I've bitched about Japanese being crazy fuckers who have the most deviant entertainment industry.

But hey, at least he is really helpful.

This is totally unlike the harmful crap they do in American TV, like Jackass. Or video clips of people tasering their balls. Or if any 4G guys are reading this, The Funky Chickens.


Ripped off Hedonistica.

Hungry

Pictures page with some CAAS people in them.

Try to notice, do you like to talk and think about the past, future, or present?

I like to talk about the past. Things that won't ever happen the same way again. What about you? Not much significance in your answer, just thought sometimes its fun to reflect.

I like to talk about Cherie and I playing ALL our silly games and calling Twinkle Friends when we broke a vase and were so worried about getting a scolding. About the days in Anglican when Tze Huey, Si Ning, Ting Ting, Zhi Qing and I were so close. About the trainings and fun we had. About my sister teaching how to write the chinese character "xiao", my first character, by the mantra "shu gou dian dian". About how I felt like I was super clever by behaving super good so that the teacher would be nice to me, but knowing I was a naughty child inside.

Stuff like that. It's different from talking about the present and future. Talking about the present might change things that you don't want changed, and talking about the future is stressful because it is anything you want it to be. But ya, also hopeful and beautiful if you are a solid person, la.

But the past is a story that needs no decisions, anymore. The kind of relief when things are over and done with. You find it all with the past.

Very lazy, right?

I don't know if I am surprised that so many people don't want to take life into their own hands. Myself included. Much like would say, "yi qie dou shi tian yi", and how would say "its not easy.. to be me" It is tiring to be in charge, I guess.

"He crawled out of the window"

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman was so shocked by a spider crawling across her face that she lost control of her car and crashed head on into a roadside tree, police in the western town of Rheine said on Thursday.
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The 23-year-old woman screamed and let go of the steering wheel, causing her small car to veer off the road into the tree. The car was totally destroyed but the woman escaped with only slight injuries, a police spokesman said.

"She was shocked by the spider crawling on her face and lost control of her car," said the spokesman for the police in the small town near the Dutch border. The spider survived, he said.

"He crawled out of the window."

Google Talk

Here

Very clean cut with excellent audio communication option. Very clear, just like talking on the phone. Loving it, we're both loving it.

Circles

Some people like to think of life as a cirlce, where it begins at one point, and we finally rest (not die la, just be at peace) when the circle is completed and our agenda can become memoir.

When we were babies, waking every morning marks a brand new day. Our agenda was to be happy, and to do that, we simply did what we liked.

As we grow older, it gets harder. To fulfil our main agenda of being happy, I mean.

Our needs and wants grow. We need material things. We need attention from people other than our families. We need acheivements. Gratification.

We start to have to make other people happy to be happy. Expectations fall on our shoulders. Responsibilities become priority.

In all that, our agenda list becomes longer, and soon, Happy either falls down the list, or gets confused and lost amongst the other items on the agenda.

Life indeed is a circle. But it does not begin in one point and move in a one track manner in a circle to complete it. You start in the middle, and then you're on your own. But there are always edges, i.e. family and people you love, who keep it real and make sure you don't fall off your circle.

Keep your circle together!

This post is so mushymushy. Anyways, I have added blogroll links after I saw my site on blogshares, and thought it quite interesting the list of people who link me.

And on another totally unrelated note, this comment insulted my post:

Anonymous said...

Feeling lonely? Hook up with Real Singles now for $4.99 to connect, and only $0.99 a min. A true match is only a phone call away. Give it a try 1-800-211-9293.

It was a comment to my kiddie photos of famous TV people. Go figure.

"Life is like a box of chocolates

"you'd never know what you're gonna get"

Well then life can be like many things, can't it.

That's what I thought when I first heard this line in Forrest Gump.

It could be the huge, nicely wrapped gift at the foot of the christmas tree. Or maybe, it could even be like dishes on the table that was cooked and covered up with a "table-umbrella".

Or, I could pick up a random piece of crap, wrap it with a newspaper, hold it up to you, and say

"Life is just like a piece of crap. You'd never know what you're gonna get."

Why not you?

How often do we hear, "Why me?"

How often do you think or whine "Why me?"

I think there is an answer to that, after all.

"Why not you?"

The choices, miniscule and "life-altering", that we make in the course of carrying on our lives can have all kinds of repercussions in our future. There's no telling what are the full consequences waiting in store for you in the years to come.

You can't decide what is fair, and what is not.

You can only make the best of it, face the music and be careful when you make the rest of your choices.

angelainember
No, really, that's a young helen hunt.
(babe, now you know how you're gonna age?)


She was born a Carrie Bradshaw!


Julia Roberts


Liang/Kat: Doesn't this just ring CHANDLER?

non-feet dancing

I've posted this before, but, wow.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give fate the fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith the fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,

I hope you dance.

The New Emo.

Has anyone else seen the stop emo haircuts video on hedonistica?

Sometimes the internet feels like a caterpillar travelling.

That's how trends move, too. This was also pointed out by chinese journalists back in the 90s, the Gen X, Gen Y, Gen bla branding of young people. I think we have achieved level Z today, in their standards.

Naturally, technology, connection speed and software developement will always create changes.

Webpages with midi music and cute, moving gif animations were the thing. IRC took up most of our internet bandwidth.
Then Frontpage generated Websites with "Personal Bio", "Guestbooks" and "Diary" took over.ICQ's "uh-oh!" was "in". Yahoo! ruled. Hotmail rUlEd.
Blogger, livejournal, diaryland, xanga came into the picture. Google is all-purpose, and it's gmail has 1 GIGABYTE of storage! MSNmessenger, AIM, SKYPE.

Internet attitude has also taken a turn.

Notice, how most of the "blogebrities" like tuckermax, maddox, xiaxue, thebigfuck either have huge egos they can't stop talking/writing about, or hate everything else, or, even more commonly, both?

THAT, is the new emo. No, it's no longer enough just to know big words to express your feelings with. NO.. Depression and suicide is not trendy!!!! God FORBID "artsy fartsy" pictures that have been through photoshop filters.

To be "famous" online, you have to first have flawless english, and good to excellent typing habits. A more than healthy confidence also helps, better if it tetters on narcism, best if it's full blown self centered egoistic. You must be "unique" and have a relatively mindblowingly high level of "intelligence".

You must have fans.

I never realized that this was quite a sad concept, until I chanced upon this dunmanian girl's blog. Her command of language is pretty good, but her life, which she writes about is pretty much that of a 15 year old dunmanian girl. And when she keeps lamenting that her blog is famous because she got plugged by a 'blogebrity' , it gives me the creeps. She uses the word colloquial in her page title, followed by "-understand?" hmm...


I have a 10 KG dictionary sitting on my shelf. You have not? Have not? Huh,huh,huh?

People are the worst!

Fucking horrible, people.

I feel like slapping myself in the face for being one of us.

Some bloody theif stole a thousand dollars from my colleague's atm account, when she left her card in the slot after a transaction.

WHY must people be so greedy for fast cash? Nahbei.

I hate people.

-sulk-

Life kicks you when you're down

Perhaps, hoping the boot in your ass will jolt you awake.

I was moping about nothing in particular on the way home, and all the sounds on the streets bothered me. Someone stepped on my shoe, and a kid on a bike rode too close to me. Crossing the road, because of my hesitance, nearly made a taxi hit me. And two, seperate, different flying roaches hit me, once on my arm and another on my leg.

Perhaps if I had been more upbeat, maybe I would have been less fearful of the strange sounds, or perhaps not even notice them. I would have walked a little faster and watched my way, and missed the roaches, bike, and taxi.

In that theory, if you keep being a negative person, and add more moping because of the kicks that were meant to wake your idea up, you'd be getting more kicks than you can handle. To all the people who keep asking, "Why me?" Here's your answer. Because u're asking for it.

Cheer up, ya all.

The Punishee

Yes, I know the true word is actually "punished".

I've probably talked about this before, but it just keeps coming up. The vicious cycle of THE PUNISHER and THE PUNISHEE.

When two people are really close, expectations tend to exist. Not just speaking of man-woman relationships (see how we have upgraded from boy-girl?), but also between platonic friends. The expectation of sensitivity to feelings. Understanding. Time committment. As such.

When comes expectations, then comes the possibility of let-downs. There's nothing complicated in this equation, is there?

The complication comes in a sub equation.

Expectation = Possible letdown

when "letdown" does occur, "upset" is bound to be generated.
letdown = upset

upset=punishment

punishment=letdown

upset = letdown

and the cycle continues, upset=letdown=upset=letdown=upset=letdown ...

So, what's left is fundamentally just a huge ever growing chunk of letdown and upset, mixed with regret and simultaneously punishment, and other things.

When I talk about punishment, I don't mean making the person kneel on nails and whipping them, but those subtle little slow killers. For example, keeping real quiet when around your partner.

Partner: "What's wrong?"
You (grimmed faced): "Nothing."

Yes, that is, indeed, a kind of punishment. If you are unaturally quiet, you say why. If not, you're upset. And the punishee would be punished, by silent treatment, without even being able to acknowledge that he is being punished.

Seriously, who reads my shite?

(Thanks for reading my shite ha)

Drama Mother (ie. Mama)

All who have successfully upkept a blog for longer than a few months, are drama queens, and quite often, self centered......

I have been a drama queen for almost 3 years. (!) And quite often self centered...

All that tears, laughter, unhappy words, happy words, boredom.. Everything la. But anyways like I'm fond of saying these days, Everything Happens For A Reason. No, that isn't a song title, just I felt it deserved those capital letters.

People like to brand weird phases in their lives as "self discovery" phases. And I shall follow suit. Have been closing up on people around me recently, and it has helped me learn more about myself, mostly my level of self sufficiency. And what have I discovered from my period of weirdness? I'm not trying to be funny, but I learned that I will always be weird. Really, la. And I think Ryan learned that with me. And possibly a little on how to handle my weirdness. =)

They say life is a journey..

Doesn't that make the destination death?

"I love you"

Carrie cheated on her partner.

She wanted to tell him the truth, but she did not know how. When he told her that he thought flaws were the best part of women, she came close to telling him.

"I have something I have to tell you.."

She looked at him, and saw the way he looked at her. She suddenly could not say the words, knowing that he would never look at her that way again, if she did. So, she said,

"I love you."

Though I cannot relate to this cheating situation, I can certainly relate to the way she avoided saying what she originally wanted to say. Since when has "I love you" become an avoidance strategy, when it seems like anti-avoidance itself?

Remember?

Remember the days photos were not so absurb?

Broccoli

I loved Broccoli.

Because it is easy to cook,

Because it is delicious with just simple seasoning,

Because it is healthy,

Because it becomes that pretty, healthy green after boiled,

Because it is really a flower,

Because my boyfriend likes it too,

Because I don't have to feel guilty when I eat alot of it.

I cooked broccoli today, and floating right along with the foam after it boiled, was a few hundred little bugs.

I don't love Broccoli anymore.

爸,我回来了。

Sometimes when you get too immersed in a situation, the things that should matter more, start to matter less, and the lesser things, mean more.

Right, I am back, have been doing well, just online alot less.



I just saw a little bit of Dogville on TV, before I got distracted by the phone. It starrs Nicole Kidman, and is about an isolated town, and she was taken in as a refugee, but later became Dogville's prisoner. She is chained to a big and heavy wheel, which she drags around, connected to her by a chain which in turn is connected to a cuff around her neck. In the most inhuman way, a bell (much like the one below, except shaddier) is attached to the cuff. As if dragging the rusty wheel would not make enough noise for her to be noticed should she try to escape.



The movie is shot in theatre-like scenarios, and all the walls of Dogville are "eliminated" on screen, in order for multiple things to be seen on screen simultaneously. For example, we'd be watching Nicole Kidman sleep exhaustedly in her small space, while in the background the town is plotting her imprisonment in the townhouse meeting. Also, spaces are minimised to the maximum (ahem), and the entire Elm Street on Dogville fits into a stage-like set, where the entire film is shot. White lines on the floor with words to indicate spaces replace walls, and the whole place's surface is dark chalkboard green. Sort of like the Marauder's Map from Harry Potter, except you see real life people in 3 dimension. The background also becomes plain, when it is day, they live in a white box, and at night, a black one.


Here is a shot from the movie "koped" off the show's website, tvropa.com. Beside Nicole Kidman (Grace, in the show), you see the metaphoric drawing of BUSHES on her left, and two GOOSEBERRY(s) on her left. Kind of fresh, seeing what we would otherwise think as visual enhancements (but in this film are distractions to what matters) flattened, or coloured over. The music is also clean and wordless, and sound effects (if any) seem to be kept to the minimal.

The show has an enigmatic charisma to it, fresh, yet kind of depressing.

You think you live life alone because you are smarter than most, in fact, you live life lonely because you think you are better than others.

Thank Goodness I am not American.

http://www.nomarriage.com/

This site lists reasons contributed by married men, of why people should not marry.

The main reasons revolve around sex, (women's) fucked up personality issues,(lack of want for) children, and such.

Here's an excerpt:

"Prior to marriage: Real sex is unequivocal to anything else, including food and oxygen. Porn is only there if you're in-between girls. Up to four years of marriage: Sex is great and when you finish with the foreplay (usually 30 minutes of begging), you have a pretty good time. Porn is okay

"After four or more years of marriage: Sex = Been there, done that, nothing new. Porn is now the better since at least you're seeing something new and fresh. Sorry girls, we love you forever, but even eating steak and lobster gets old if you do it too much.

"My take on marriage: It's a great way to complicate an otherwise amicable business relationship with sex. "

---------------------------------------------


"Here is a typical married woman:

"I give birth to your kids and you complain we don't have sex? How do you think they were born, osmosis? Who takes care of them, drives them to school, picks them up for after school activities, drives them to sports, takes them to their friends houses, plays chauffeur, cleans, cooks, goes to PTA meetings and then caters to your sorry whiney ass when you get home. To top it off after you eat, fart or burp you walk out the door and go out with your buddies.

"You want sex? Go fuck yourself! I'm too tired."


Sounds like the men think more about worshipping their dicks then taking on the resposibility of children. Also, what about courtship during, and after marriage?

I would comment more on this, but I feel hyprocritical typing some of the mean things about American upbringing.

I'm just glad that my culture is different, and that Ryan and I have fun together and plan to, for a long time.

Addicted to spaghetti sauted with italian herbs.

that will be you.

"Me, too."

"Me, too." Haven't we all said that a million times. I remember saying it the most when I was young, so young I did not know how to hold a fishball with chopsticks.

Right.

That was the extent of our social skills and desire, acted upon so that we would not be The Freak. To be in the majority was our only concern. Says something about the kind of environment we live in, dunnit. Daring to be different was only possible when the rest of the kids dared to be different.

Cool kid: "I just love alternative music!"

"Me, too!"

Even in our phony working lives when we grow up, the metoo virus seems to have its voice.

Boss: "I just love the lastest spring line!"
"Me, too!"

Anyways, the pic above is irrelevant, just a punctuation. Taken on the day of outing with Isa, to do nothing and everything.

Here's she in one of my fav shots of the day. With the birds, and the erhm.. cows.


Here's she, being the indian she really is, on the inside.


And, I guess, to be fair, here's my silly shot- mainland style.


We then met Laine.


Indian! Lover!


And then I saw someone with as square a face as mine.

What kind of ghost would you see on a haunted beach?

A sandwich.

From a kid on TV. Cute, leh.

feline affection

Survivor Palau: Stephanie is the ONLY tribe member left in Ulong.

How cool is that? If I were her, I would totally try to spin this my way. It does look like she has it worse than Koror (opposing tribe with about 6? members left), having to do all the work in the tribe alone. On hindsight, she doesn't have to face the bitching from other people, especially women who talk alot and do no work. And she just has to provide for herself. Plus, when it comes to reward and immunity challenges, it's up to her, and if she screws up, at least she KNOWS the tribe (read:her) did its best. And if she wins, well.

Does this seem to reflect stuff about me?

Anyways, it's going to be interesting, I hope she doesn't have to merge with Koror, at least not so soon.

Baaazoooka.

Austin Power's on TV, I'm sunburnt, and we went to sentosa, again.




oh how i love this picture.



i direct gay porn.



this is about the best place on palawan.

You know how, sometimes you look at a photogaph of a pretty place, and you say, "Wished I could be in that picture!"

That somehow compromises the integrity of the place of which that photograph was taken, doesn't it.

My point is, the media, like television and print, and even more so the internet, has allowed us to look at many places and things we otherwise would never have seen. But sometimes we forget that actually seeing the non-virtual stuff should be what's real.

It's not about wanting to be in the picture, it's about wanting to be able to take that picture.

Wished I was there

You know how, sometimes you look at a photogaph of a pretty place, and you say, "Wished I could be in that picture!"

That somehow compromises the integrity of the place of which that photograph was taken, doesn't it.

My point is, the media, like television and print, and even more so the internet, has allowed us to look at many places and things we otherwise would never have seen. But sometimes we forget that actually seeing the non-virtual stuff should be what's real.

It's not about wanting to be in the picture, it's about wanting to be able to take that picture.

Hi Laaayyydies.

Been some time!

I'm late in the blogger project: I'm too sexy for my blog, but here it is, to scare.



This project was started by MrBrown and MrMiyagi (Google them), and I thought of Isa when I saw some of the contributions for the project. Yah, the gist is that people take pics of them faces with them tounges, and look sexy. I know mine looks scary, it's sort of to compensate because all of you who know me know that there's not an inch of sexy you can find on this piece o meat. Hahaa..

Big Fat Sunflower.

Bought a Big Fat Sunflower, so started flashing the camera at it.

Forgive our not very creative poses.

The classic flowerface.


Oh, flower, dog, flower.. All mine!


This is her curiously happy face, something she shows after you say anything vaguely interesting to her.
Also, some turbo-wagging action going on in the tail region, defying the shutter speeds of all cameras on this earth.The. Super. Dog.

Clothes. Provoke. Desire.

Clothes are a sign of the Fall, not because they conceal our God-created nakedness, but because they provoke desire.

Clothes. Provoke. Desire.

On the first glance, that's ultimate irony. If you thought in the most 2 dimensional way, without implications, clothes hid our naughty bits and prevented desire.

Let's imagine a world where clothes were not possible. In fact, in this world, clothes were not invented. People went about everyday business in the buff. Naked housewives carried naked babies and went grocery shopping. Naked bus drivers carried bus loads of naked passengers, who sat reading their books, or talking on their mobile phones. Naked judges presided over naked courtrooms. Naked professors lecturing naked students.

For one, it would be a cooler (LIANG) world out there. For another, naughty bits would no longer be naughty, because everyone sees everyone's everything everywhere everytime. Now, what's new? Admiring one's hot body would be like admiring one's curious hairstyle.

Maybe that is why clothes make the world a sexier place.

Falls into basic human psychology, forbidden fruits are sweeter!

Sometimes, I'm also not sure what I'm talking about, lah.

Woodspeople

"I could never understand the saying: Love means never having to say sorry. I think loving actually means being able to say those two words. It is only human to err. And if are lucky enough, we may even receive two even more powerful words: You're forgiven."



(If you told me you were going to leave civilization and live in the woods, I would bring some blankets and follow you. That is how I love you. Haha)

Can't sleep

You gotta see this! Listen to it, as well.
It's an ad for Honda's diesel engines.

http://www.foylesystems.com/downloads/the_ad.mpg

E-fuckin business

I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages on earth alone.



Seems like my body and mind are coming up with a scheme to stop myself from studying. For the last 4 hours, I have been in the kitchen, cleaning surfaces, clearing drawers, rearranging things, and scrubbing pots. Yes, me, do those things.

Anything but studying E fucking Business. OK, that was mean. I don't hate e-biz.

Here are some pictures from yesterday.

Angela is shy about showing her beautiful new teeth.


There we have it!


The ONLY shot on the beach.


The clouds and some coconut trees.


Checking out Rasa, ended up playing pool.


See those Angela-Rays? They're too bright even for Elaine.


Can't get enough of her new teeth.



Laine's trademark Sad Smile


My super girls!


And my favourite super guy. =)

Late night TV rules

This is probably not the first time I have said this, and I guess that makes me officially a bumming loser. haha..

Anyways, catch the Surreal Kitchen! And then hit www.foodnetwork.com and find Bob's recipes. They are SO easy, and if you watched the episode, you'll know how to make them even better, yet easier.

And if you don't enjoy cooking, you can always laugh at the big oven toaster of a vehicle.

I feel like blading!

Funny, how love can leave you lonely.

You be the soul of my eyes?

I did a little messing around in the kitchen, and though it was not very nice, my mom and Ryan were both very sweet and told me it all tasted good. =) Though I was dissappointed by the outcome, I was quite comforted by their thoughtfulness.

The dog, Ryan, and I snapped some shots.




We did the cliche "xi, nu, ai, le" (glad, angry, sad, happy) thing they always do on old taiwanese shows. Here's the dog doing Xi


Here she is, angry.


And, manipulated to look midly sad.


My favourite picture. =)



Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, in other words
I love you

But you already know, right? =)

The aroma of rain!

Ah, give up.


Rain sort of creates a fluffy curtain around me, and the world feels smaller than on other days. You know, when u are in a stationary car, and it starts to rain, and the sound of that, combined with "Over the Rainbow" being sung by Ray Charles, and you feel like a modern day fairy tale character?

We're back at the current blog. Same old brand new.

When I grow up, I want to be a nice old lady.

Actually, I would like to be a nice little old lady, but I'm guessing the little part is going to prove quite difficult.

Anyways, I want to be the nice grandma! The source of unconditional love for my children and grandchildren, and hopefully good ole' comfort cooking provider. And I want to be a nice fluffly grandma with a nice fluffy grandpa. So that the grandchildren, children, and I can listen to grandpa stories! I want to be the grandma that can give my teenage grand daughter relationship tips. Teach them how to swim!

It's late, but I'm not being crazy.

Grandparenting is so underated in Singapore. Grandparents are the best!

That's who gets forgotten in a divorce. The grandparents. These old people who worship the little boys and girls who are produced by their own grown up, messed up children, the fallible somehow begetting the perfect. Divorce makes grandparents feel as though their unconditional love is suddenly surplus to requirements.

-Tony Parson, Man and Wife

So sad, right? While all the hype has been about this generation's married men and women being the modern divorcees, the focus on the poor children having this fucked up generation of parents, we had forgotten about grandpa and grandma! I'm talking about Singapore, ang mohs have lotsa divorced grandparents. Yeah anyways, our parent's generation are sort of the guinea pigs when it comes to divorced children.

This Shang Liang Bu Zheng Xia Liang more Wai theory implies that the chances of us getting divorced and our children getting divorced will get increasingly high. Hais..

What siel?

Past Blast

For the sake of experimentation and someone wanting to read about my insanity, the old blog will be on til I feel like blogging again.

TGIF.

I think all the hospi people would definitely agree with this sentiment. THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY!

I still have two more assignments to finish by 5, tho. This semester hasnt been the most productive and effective. Thanks to all my group mates who tolerated, as much as they did, with my inconsistency and lack of quality in my work. I bit off more than I could chew.

Coldplay

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called yellow.

So then I took my turn,
Oh what a thing to have done,
And it was all yellow.
Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones,
Turn into something beautiful,
You know, you know I love you so,
You know I love you so.

I swam across,
I jumped across for you,
Oh what a thing to do.
Cos you were all yellow,

I drew a line,
I drew a line for you,
Oh what a thing to do,
And it was all yellow.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And all the things that you do.

I've missed Coldplay in the back my heart for awhile.
And I saw a special on them on TV! All half hour of Coldplay songs..
The half hour was closed with the MTV of Yellow,
and I love every moment of that.
The stars, the sky lighting up,
the funny shaped teeth behind Chris's teeth..
I miss watching the sunrise.. It has been what.. Years?
Check coldplay out on their website,
very excellent flash, i registered just so they can allow me to change the website's colour hee.

Anyways, deleted the angry post bitching about my Psychology groupmate,
because we did perfect without her anyways.
OK, not perfect, but much better than I had expected to do.
3 of the girls actually had pretty good presentation skills.

Things are OK, tho like EVERYONE is complaining, even kat,
we have TOO many datelines.
Can't wait for graduation, then maybe I could go on a much needed holiday.
-happy- =D

I don't have to make excuses for my desire as a man.

For those who try to justify who you are, stop doing it, man.
It only goes to show that you feel that you have to answer to others about how you lead your life.
Nobody is perfect. No two persons are exactly the same.
That, sorta makes everyone fairly the same.
Haha.. What I'm trying to say is.. There is thinking about life, and then there is thinking too much..

Just be, alright? If you keep trying to justify yourself to people who can't be at peace with who you are, you can't be at peace with yourself.

That aside.

This is the turning point for many people. In a month or so we would be completing our time in poly, and moving on to come out of the chrysalis state.. Before we can break out of poly tho, they are giving us the ultimate test of crazy datelines all lined up TOGETHER. They should NEVER condense a bloody semester like that, man. And to think we all thought our timetables were damn slack when we got it last year.. Man, alive, I'm tired.

And now, we have to decide where to go in the fork of the road.. Not just 2 directions to choose from, but about a few hundreds each. This could decide what kinda life we lead for the rest of our lives.. COULD la. I'm still waiting for self-realization to happen ha..

Feel like a clumsy bambi, struggling over the obstacles I should be good at overcoming.

Thank goodness I have someone to cushion my bumps and hold me when the need arises. =) Thanks baby, for listening and talking to me. Taking care of me, and laughing at and with me. Trying to set my path right, and all the advice. Dancing with me. Playing with me. What you've given is a thousandfold of that. I could never cherish you enough, and sometimes my heart aches for that.

Also, thank goodness I have Katherine, who always makes me feel bad about myself in a good way. Haha.. If that even makes sense. She's always giving me, la.. And I'm always being the sloppy best friend.. But she sticks around.. Hais. Silly Kat.. Don't deserve her..

Woot haven't blogged so personally for some time.

Sleeping pills needed!

I'm really, really tired. But I cannot sleep. Was moving my photos from back up CDs into my laptop, and found some stuff that made me laugh.

Here's a refeature of Bernard's 18th birthday. Dedicated to the old birds from 4G, Kat Lu, Fat, Wei, and Berji.

It was late night before the last train, and we just somehow ended up at the Esplanade, and terrorised the whole place from Esplanade to Citylink mall to the mrt station to the train to tampines to SunPlaza Park. And here are the photos:

The boys.


Kat in the middle of it all.


Young men, buay kia si.


I swear, non of us took a drop.


"heylookwecanrunoutofthedoorandpointatthesignQUICKANLITAKEAPICTURE!andrunbackbeforethedoorcloses!wahaha!"


Everyone tried doing this, but only he could.


This gay thing seems to be done by guys of all ages. Is it some kind of secret fantasy?


Paya Lebar remembers us.


The bearcicle pic. Berji, you should sing the song for Melanie. Share some good times.


Here we sang many beyond songs, hokkien songs, and made up some terrible sounding accapella. Haha.. Good times.


And for good measure.


There are a million more where that came from. You guys, you were what made me young. Wont's forget ya all for that! haha.. =)

eNTHUSIASM fAILS mE.

I miss having the chance to be excited about something.

Watching survivor on TV, and it's really like a "mini-life" game. It may be games with big puzzles and some silly stripping and obstacles courses, but in a smaller scale, you really use the same skills in life as you do to play the game.

You can use your communication skills, your sex appeal, your conscience, or lie and mind fuck your way through the game. You play in teams, you can play diplomatically, or you can choose to be arrogant and step on the other team's morale on purpose to get your team further.

But the twist is you may eventually need to depend on the people you screw with now, to get what you want in the future. Mostly, you can't help but have to lie. Sometimes, your strength brings you further. Sometimes, your strength gets you down.

So often, the weakest person turns around to be the strongest in a matter of minutes.

Maybe that's why it's pretty fun to watch. A lot of psychogames involved, though we don't know how much of it is staged.

They should have an international Survivor. Where all the players are from different nations, with different cultures. Now that'll be a party.

All tt survivor talk aside, here's a picture of my babies.


I have no eyes.


好想好想和你在一起
和你一起数天上的星星
收集春天的细雨
好想好想和你在一起
听你诉说古老的故事
细数你眼中的情意
好想好想和你在一起
并肩看天边的落日
并肩听林间的鸟语
好想　好想　好想　好想
好想好想和你在一起
踏遍万水千山
走遍海角天涯
让每一个日子
都串连成我们最美丽
最美丽的回忆！

You can't make a true committment until you realize that it will be a choice you will keep choosing over and over again for a long time.

Every single day, and moment.

close your eyes, sleep is more than it seems.
soon you'll discover a garden of dreams.
of blossoming tapestry- lights up the dark.
dreams are the flowers that bloom in your heart.

I'm sleepy, and unproductive.
Sinfully so.

I think my only consolation now is that I have no appetite. It's about time, anyway. Have been putting on weight at a pretty scary rate, with the festives coming at a bad time and all that.

Here's a picture of us on da nian chu yi of lunar new year.



He says I hide behind him for many pictures, probably due to the size of my face. So we took one where he could hide behind me instead



I wanna take more piccccctures!

Talk about surviving..

This is a story I got off a site.

"Christmas Eve morning a soldier came into a clinic at the Ibn Sina Hospital in downtown Baghdad covered in his own blood. He recounted an incredible story. Early Christmas Eve morning, two squads were assigned to sweep and clear two adjacent homes where Iraq terrorists were holed-up. The patient, SGT C, was leading one of those assault squads. The other squad hit their target first.

SGT C said that he heard a lot of small arms fire and yelling, so he thought he would round the corner and size up the situation before advancing his team. Unfortunately, as he turned the corner, he found himself staring directly into the barrel of a 9mm automatic pistol. SGT C said he never had time to be scared, he just knew he was dead. The terrorist pulled the trigger and, miraculously, SGT C found himself still standing. He figured the bullet had missed. He advanced on the Iraqi, who immediately surrendered. After the enemy was rounded up, SGT C said he started to feel light headed and one of his soldiers insisted that he proceed to the hospital. He realized at this time that he had lost his front tooth in the gun fight. He figured the ballistic shock from the weapon's blast had knocked it loose. He was wrong.

When he presented early that morning Major Kimberly Perkins, the oral surgeon, took a panograph and discovered the incredible truth. The 9mm bullet did NOT miss SGT C. He was hit directly in the face. The bullet entered just below his nose where it impacted the apex of #8. The energy from the bullet was transferred to the tooth, literally ejecting the tooth from its socket, and stopping the bullet in its track. Other than the missing tooth, the majority of SGT C's injuries were confined to soft tissue.

SGT C is a citizen soldier - a reservist. When he returns to the states, the Army will see he has an implant replacement for the missing #8. Meanwhile, the prosthodontist in Baghdad, LTC Richard Druckman, made him an acrylic interim treatment partial. When SGT C came in for the prosthesis, I said "Can you imagine what the enemy thought when he shot you point blank in the face, and you just kept coming at him! Americans are invincible. No wonder he surrendered so fast!"

SGT C smiled and said, "This is why you should always brush your teeth!""

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live


-----------------

We're 22, and we're on fire.

This song plays in my head whenever I feel like I am being a child, or when I feel really jaded and old. Or when I go to sleep after a bad day. Or when I feel scared about my future. Or when I feel I love someone more than I possibly am capable of. Sort of gives hope..

Song of all moments!

Finally moving along with the deadlines, and certain things are no longer floating. Rush of relief coming from many directions. I feel sorta.. More.. Real.

-squeezes own flesh in relish-

=D ,and weiling.. waaaasup? u're pretty hot too.

In hiatus.

All my life
Is changing everyday
In every possible way
And all my dreams
It's never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems
I know I've felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even more
Because it came from you
And then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be
I want more (impossible to ignore)
And they'll come true (impossible not to do)
And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me

All my life
Is changing everyday
In every possible way
And all my dreams
It´s never quite as it seems
Because you´re a dream to me (a dream to me)

test

I had the most horrible dreamset this morning.

I dreamt that I met my secondary school 4G friends on an outing (which I was asked to) and Liang had a new girlfriend who was so not his type. The rest of the guys tried to hide the girl from me for some reason, and when asked "Where is Wan Xin?", everyone pointed to the strange girl. Then I left my friends and went to a store (NTUC) to buy condoms. I don't know why condoms, but condoms, ok? The store had run out. They only had a few which were already opened, and they tried to get me to buy them. Haha..

SO I did not buy any, and went back to my room mate. He then brutally murdered a woman named Eleanor in front of me. He put her in our bathtub, and started to speak to her..In the next room, I realized that he has gone kuku, and wanted to run away. I was completely naked, and I was a man. So, I grabbed some boxer shorts and started to run out to the corridoor, before kuku decided Eleanor needed company in hell. I ended up in a dorm room, on the bed. It was very close to kuku and my own room, because I could hear him cutting her skin up. He was going to perform an autopsy for her in the bathtub, and though i wasnt in the room, i could see it all in my head, him cutting her down the middle, the two ways along the shoulders. I stuck a knife in my leg out of the agony of having to see that.

Watching CSI before going to bed is a bad, bad idea.

Something nobody would ever understand about myself.
It's not that I expect people to understand.

All my life, I have been the girl who never finishes her homework on time and had to stand outside the class with the boys. The kid whose colour pencils were never arranged in order of the shades of colours, nor sharpened.

From young, my dad nagged about the state of my room, "Look at the things you throw around your room!" and his prediction since I was in primary 1, as embarrassing as it was, "When you grow up and start wearing bras, they WILL be lying around in a horrible fashion around your room." And... he was right.

Fortunately, his more recent prediction, "Your boyfriend will run away when he sees your messy space!" did not come true.

Heehee..

Do not misunderstand my acceptance of my untidiness as arrogance, I do not think that living like I do is really appropriate. However, at this point in time, my efforts seem to be pretty much useless.

I do appreciate people who attempt to improve the situation when they drop by, people like Lemon and Ryan, and sometimes Kat.. Thanks!

But I think my short term goal in terms of my being untidy, would be to draw the line before being dirty.

-hug- kat n ryan

omg, help.

Close your eyes so your don't feel them
They don't need to see you cry
I can't promise I will heal you
But if you want to I will try

I'll sing this somber serenade
The past is done
We've been betrayed
It's true
Someone said the truth will out
I believe without a doubt, in you

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity...
For eternity

Yesterday when you were walking
We talked about your mum and dad
What they did that made you happy
What they did that made you sad
We sat and watched the sun go down
Picked a star before we lost the moon
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone to soon..


You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity...
For eternity


I've always toyed with the idea of living by myself.
Paying my own utilities, buying my own groceries, and cooking dinner with my own pots and eating in my own dining room.
Washing my own laundry, decorating my own place.

live. love. crash. burn.

The dog falls asleep on my bed.

Reminder to self:

Remember how you feel at this very moment, on this very day. =)

This face, strangely, feels very LEWEI.
I've known this guy for 16 years, and looking at this face floors liang and I.. DAMN CLASSIC LEWEI. =)


This is a real life person. Anyone recognizes him?


This is me, yes. I have learnt to laugh at myself. I think.


Haha.. A day of silly pictures!

Sometimes I feel, like I am drunk behind the wheel,
The wheel of possibility, wherever it may spin.

Maybe that's why people want to get drunk, sometimes.We feel the need to take charge of our lives, but it is virtually impossible to be in total control. When it starts to feel like you are losing control, it get scary. And it comes to a point, you want to relinquish it all, lose all the strings completely.


To be set free.


I'm not saying that being drunk is being set free,
I'm just saying sometimes, it's the way you feel when you are drunk.

You do and say surprising things uncontrollably, and it's that novelty that drives people like me to drink.

This is making me sound like an alcoholic.
Haha.. To people like Joan who don't know what's really going on in my life, and just drop by in my blog to get a piece of my life, I don't drink alot, neither do I drink often.
=)

It's friggin 5 in the morning and people are waking up,
I'm listening to the sounds of my neighbours' insistent alarm clocks,
and gross spitting sounds. (you know the thing that some people do to get the flamm out of their throats? human growling, with a grainy feel to it?)
Haha..

Am thinking about how life always seem complicated.

We look back, like at Secondary School, Primary School, or when we were tiny kiddies running around with our cousins, those days we brand "the care free days".
But while it was going on, it seemed like the most complicated thing in the world.

Right now, I think the simplest thing in the world is loving someone and having him love you back. I don't know if this is going to make sense to anyone else, or if it is even going to make sense to myself tomorrow.

But at this moment, I get a warm feeling that softly throbs in me, just thinking of how amazingly contented I am.

Shall stop trying to explain myself.

Again, this post is not the most conspicuously about anything in particular. Like a diary entry.

And on that note, in the most diary-i-don't-care-who-reads-this-i-feel-like-writing-it-mushiness,

I miss being with my baby.

Sometimes I feel
Like I am drunk behind the wheel
The wheel of possibility
However it may roll
Give it a spin
See if you can somehow factor in
You know there's always more than one way
To say exactly what you mean to say



Picture courtesy of Roger Kok, the famous local freelance photographer. I've seen his work, he specialies in potraits, it's amazing. He captures the essence of the moment in all his showcased works. Be it a happy occassion or just mundane everything objects or happenings, he makes an artpiece out of it.

=)

Anyway.. I'm happy today!

Fat and happy girl.

ilu, 2. =D

I'm a rubber band.

A very old rubber band, with different stretchibility in different parts of my perimeter.

Sometimes, you could stretch me so far and for such a long time. I become thin and look like I am about to snap any moment, but still I hold out.

But you never know when I will snap.

However, I am also a mendable rubber band. I've snapped, and been super glued back.

Wah, super glue.. Must be stronger, after mending, right?

Wrong.

Makes me more brittle and snappable.

I'm a fucken rubber band.

TOTALLY FAT DAY!

A whole day of being called Yuan Yuan (round round)by Ryan, going to Central Square and being called "pang le hen duo" (fatter by alot)by the security guard, I came home and complained to my family.

And what did they say? Comfort me? Tell me I looked OK?

No!

They scrutinized me, and my sis, my mother, and father all started nodding and agreeing with everyone else.. "Uhm fei le.. fei le.." And pointed to my fatty bits and poked around.

...

Baked to death.


After an hour in the shower, mostly waiting in the queue.
I always manage to make him look squashed, don't I. haha..




I wasn't bullying him, serious.


The GOLDEN sun.


That serious face. Waiting for the bus is no joke, ya.


Our pretty ride home. =)


Chinatown.


Hen fei meh? -blames ryan-

=)

The round one trying to hide his roundness.


I can't believe it, you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how I have fallen for you.
And I was not looking, was content to remain.
And it's ironic to be back in the game.

My sister, the dog, and I just watched Pretty Woman on TV.

Alright, I was studying for tmr's paper, on MSN, and watching at the same time. I did manage to catch the gist of the story, and the fact that the ending is feel-good-happy. And I also was reminded of this song by Lauren Wood, damn classic.

I love Julia Roberts' movies. They always make me feel light hearted. Well, almost always. Maybe it's looking at her amazing smile and unconventionally pretty face.. Hmm..

This post is really about nothing at all.

-fuzzy love vibes to all- angela, kat, liang, laine, lemon, coco, jer, angelline, and ryannnn.

You are the one who's led me to the sun.
How could I know that I was lost without you...
And I want to tell you, you control my rain..
And you should know that you are life in my veins.

When you're down and troubled
and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest night
you just call out my name
and you know where ever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
all you have to do is call
and I'll be there
You've got a friend.

I love this song. Blog reading today was pretty different. Maybe it's the holidays, or the fact that Friday gives everyone some time to sit down and write about their lives.

Cheer up, ya all.
Little princess with a new cut, credits to the sister groomer.


UHm.. Sometimes when I read or hear about a friend's problem, I think to myself, Am I in position to offer help? Even if I try, how much can I do? And more often than not, I end up watching from the sidelines. This is the case with most people.

Come to think of it, what if everyone thought like that?

Oh no.. Cannot, cannot.

It cannot be really explained what kind of help a person who is feeling down needs. When I think of myself being unhappy, I think I need company, hugs, concerned faces, and fun. Sometimes, advice. Sometimes, peace and quiet. Sometimes, to be alone. What about everyone else?

How do you tell?

I guess, no problem is out of the league of a good friend.



If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
and soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
all you got to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them

Is being thoughtfully in pain a prerogative (yes I learnt that word from the damn britney spears' song.) to young people?

Or is it trendy to be dramatic?

Or is it something that we must go through to "grow-up"?

Probably, it's one of those that you think, OH IT'LL GO AWAY.. But never does.

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me.

Thanks, round one. For every smile. =)

Would you rather experience the sunrise, or the sunset?

What if you were with the person you loved, Sunrise, or Sunset?

Jaded

Seems like a convinient word to describe my feelings whenever I don't quite know what I'm feeling. These few days have been float-y and awkward for me, head being in a daze all day, and pills just making everything more surreal.

It's like PMS, I know if I just got some fresh air and got down to doing things I would probably feel better, but I just had no energy to start.

It's weird how, now. I have more than I bargained for in life, yet I'm being mood swingy and weird.

-shakes self- (gently, so as not to upset my swollen brains)

I'm lying in bed, with a bad, dry taste in the back of my throat. I'm sitting in from of my screens, with a bad dry taste in the back of my throat. I'm walking the dog, with a bad, dry taste at in the back of my throat.

I'm complaining, yadayadayada blabber. With a bad, dry taste in the back of my throat.

Someone!! Grab me and give me a huge hug and tell me I'm ok.

UHm.

If you really want something to be heard, say it anonymously.

That's when the focus becomes the words that were said, and not the intentions of the person who said it.

Because if the person whom you meant the words to be said to knew you were saying it, he would naturally form impressions of your likely intentions, and the attention would be on them.

So, I say, just be unamed, and let him guess.

He is likely to guess someone whose intentions he would be impressed with.

"There's much more to being a chef than just assembling ingredients. It's like the difference between a pianist and a composer. The pianist is creative, certainly, but he is only the mouthpiece of the person who dreamed the tunes into life.

To be a cook, it's enough to be a pianist, - a performer of other people's dreams. But to be a chef, you have to be a composer as well. For example, the recipes you are going to eat tonight are all traditional dishes from old Rome- but if all we do is simply recreate the past, without trying to add to it, it stops becoming a living tradition and becomes history, - something dead.

So we owe it to the chefs of the past, to continue to do as they did, - to experiment."

- The Food Of Love by Anthony Capella

It's delicately ornate paragraphs like this one, along with all the italian swearing (english translation included), and the extravagent sounding recipes that made me fall almost in love with this book.

I've sinfully indulged the entire day to reading it, amongst other things.

It's one of those books, you think, I'm going to have to read this the second time to fully appreciate all this... But I know I won't ever. So I try to pace myself, stretching the pleasure as long as I possibly can. But the more tantalizing and pleasurable it is, the more it makes me want more at the same time. So I slurppppppped it all up, and succumbed with abandon.

=)

Like an amazing, tiny bowl of expensive soup.

It's the same with relationships, if you think about it. It's the novelty of discovering small little new things about each other that makes it deliciously exciting. You want to discover each miniscule detail, each tiny secret, examine it slowly, turn in around, inside out, then lock it up inside your heart. Yet at the same time you want to take him all in at the same time, filling yourself up with him.

I can imagine Jerome's little snicker if he reads this.

SIA is recruiting!

Requirements

- Singapore citizenship or PR status; or Malaysian citizenship
- At least 1.58m in height
- At least 2 GCE ‘A’-level credits and 2 ‘O’-level credits including General Paper in the GCE ‘A’-level examination, or a Diploma from a local polytechnic; (Applicants with higher qualifications are welcome to apply.)
- Willingness and commitment to serve a compulsory service bond

Preference will be given to candidates who are able to speak a foreign language or are experienced in customer service.

Training & Bond

If you make it through our rigorous selection process, you will undergo about 4 months training and will be required to serve a service bond.

Remuneration and Service Benefits

Apart from the opportunity to experience various cultures and meet new people from around the world, upon completion of training, you can also look forward to salary and allowances of about S$3,500 a month, an annual wage supplement of one month’s basic salary and profit-sharing bonus. You will also be entitled to free travel to any SIA destination once a year and enjoy discounted travel at other times. There is an attractive annual leave scheme and comprehensive training programmes.

Interviews will be conducted in Singapore on 29 January 2005. Only shortlisted applicants will be notified by email.

Their previous recruitment drive was in November last year, so I can generally assume that they recruit about once every 3 months. That would make the next recruitment drive happen in April! That is almost the perfect timing. Haha.. I might try for the heck of it!

If you can't resist the temptation, succumb with abundance.

uhmmmm. =)

Being loved softens the hardest hearts.

Reaching home at 11 plus, 12 plus, 1 plus. That's nothing new for me, is it. But these few days, I came home at these times to an family of smiling faces sitting in the brightly lit living room. We've all been helping my mom with her work, packaging and price tagging the products she sells for her boss in the day.

Everyone at the table, my Dad's korean VCD playing in the background, the baby puppy sitting at our feet. Talking bad about my Mom's fucked up boss, sharing stories that happened in the day.

And the added presence of Hao Ge, my sis's boyfriend, makes the house seem warmer and the family more.. abundant.. =)

Just being around them made me feel better! =)

The picture on the left of the carousel was taken in Paris, 1989. The words "100 Ans" mark the Tower's centennial. =) To be visited one day!

My girlies from school.
Ling, Laine, Angela and I outside LT.
Ling has a new name, Isa. I read that it is Jesus in Arabic for men.
Don't know for women tho. Weiling, keep it. I think it's pretty good.


In the LT, Angela and Laine.

My group girlies. It was VERY
cold in the project room. MeiQi looks slightly crazed.

My home girlie. Looking very skinny in her bath.

One of my less masculine girlie, at supper a few nights ago.
Cute, ain't he?

-says hi- to Ryan, Worgieeee, Jer, Isa, Angela, Laine, KAT THE BEST FRIEND, IANSOH!, peter, chin, Lemon, Feng kor, Don!

Thanks for reading my carousel blog. =)

Oh look at that pimple!
Haha.. Alright that should not be the focus of the picture.

New Year's Eve at Alley Bar.

Rian and Vernon showing their best assests. Vernon should be the better kisser, we thinks.


Ryan and I at dinner.


Oh so cute, Melissa.


When there are boys, there will be pretend-gay pictures.


And everybody leans in..


Roger, if you have time, help me create an album in your imagestation, i'll do the uploading for the rest of the pics, K? Thanks angel.

Two Thousand and Five.

Been a pretty good year so far.
=)

Ryan eating dumplings. Haha..


"You won't understand.."

Young people have this insatiable need for life to be better.
Remember that cab driver I was talking about?
He told me that we should all just love and be loved,
and be contented with life?

Look at the things that you have, and tell me in the eye you are not a fortunate soul.
Why is it then, we are not happy?
What can life give us that will make us feel absolutely fulfilled?
There is no such thing as the ideal situation.
What kind of job, girlfriend, money, happiness do you need before you can sit back and say, "This is it, and I shall embrace it.."

Dennis was talking about the Butterfly Effect,
how the guy in the show kept going back to his past to make the future better.
How silly is this butterfly guy?

Putting it in a less pretty way, something has to be fucked up..

The only person who can pull you out of the black hole is yourself.
Advice and confiding is only input and output,
but the processing is within you..
I can only tell you that life is good,
but you got to realize how good before you can actually receive and enjoy it for real...

Happiness is right next to you.. Just turn to it.

2005 is creeping in on us.

Nora and I in the Hospitality Tourism Seminar tutorial.


Met Regina on my way to Psychology.


Kat and I in the toilet.


Ryan and I before heading for Xmas dinner at Roger's.


Lemon and I being spastic at Jupiter's.


Little ANGELa and I met in the toilet.


=) thanks baby.

不平安的平安夜.

The world will never be the same again. In every sense.

It's kind of surreal, all of this happening while Singapore, the little red dot, lay in the middle of it all, relatively unharmed.

Sure, some Singaporeans were killed, injured, or went missing. And in time, we will be hit by the economic changes.

But what is this, really, compared to the catastrophe of losing thousands of children, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, priests, neighbours, and everything you possess, own, and love? I feel guilty watching footage of the tsunami devestation. I want to see for myself the extent of damage, yet I keep thinking.. The last thing they quite wanna be doing is being filmed, isn't it..

Ok maybe I'm being a quite kiddie..

The cab uncle who took me home today told me this was heaven's will, God's wrath. He asked me, "Does this make you realize how tiny and INSIGNIFICANT you are?" Actually, it wasn't really revelation. Intelligence, religion, and technology included, we are helpless when nature tweaks.

He told me to be contented with what I had. To love and be loved in return, and not bother too much about materials.

Uncle looked like a simple and contented person.

I thought, do I want to be a simple and contented looking taxi driver? Maybe not.. So I rephrased his mantra a little.

I shall learn to be contented with who I was. But always strive to have more, because I think it's the only way we improve, by wanting more. Hmm..

Hope that made sense ha..

Affirmative may be justified
Take from one give to another

The goal is to be unified
Take my hand be my brother
The payment silenced the masses
Sanctified by oppression
Unity took a backseat
Sliding further in regression

One
The only way is one
I feel angry I feel helpless
Want to change the world
I feel violent I feel alone
Don't try to change my mind

Society blind by color
Why hold down one to raise another
Discrimination now on both sides
Seeds of hate blossom further
The world is heading for mutiny
When all we want is unity

We may rise and fall, but in the end
We meet our fate together

One
The only way is one
I feel angry I feel helpless
Want to change the world


I feel violent I feel alone
Don't try to change my mind

click here to see a drunk Anna Nicole Smith at the American Music Awards.

Ryan and I at Hagen Daaz Raffles City. Had to make the image tiny to accomodate this blogskin which is soooo tiny. Look at the size of that plate of ice cream! Roger played a part in settling that as well. =)
Funny I suddenly have nothing to write about these days. Seems like melancholy and greyness are my spark and stimulus when it comes to blogging.

Merry Christmas!
I think that two words were repeated two gazillion times last night.

Ryan and I went to join the kids on Orchard Road with all the foammmmmmin.


=)

I still smell of the stuff.

Why do all my analogies have to do with food? hmmmm..

The alone.

Like the last oyster on the huge, white, empty plate. Nobody wants to touch it, in fear of looking like a glutton. That doesn't mean the Last Oyster should be less fresh, carry less of a punch, or be less tasty than it's other amigos that had been eaten earlier. The only throat this Last Oyster was going to slide down, was the chute to the rubbish dump. What a terrible waste.

Screw manners. Next time, I'm going to eat the Last Oyster.

Close your eyes, so you can see me

Bladdy blading for 5 hours in bladdy tight blades and bladdy dirty socks have made my ankles bladdy SWOLLEN.

Kat and I in lecture.


Leetle Janie.


Baos. The next Jolene in the making?


Blading work-out.


Pausing to take a break at Beacon Bar and Grill.


Don the brother looking silly.


Windy!


Me looking silly.


Blading in the rain.


The jetty.


5 hours baby!


Rian thinks..

Walk On By

Roger and I smoking outside Raffles City.


Roger the Destroyer.


Ember the builder.


Leah and I at the Loo.

Days seem to be more fast paced and super packed since school started. It may be taking it's toll on me a little, but I'm surprisingly happy and contented.

A drawing that my group girls and I did for e-business.


Rian and Roger at Orchard Parksuites.


Rian hugging the teh kor Xmas tree.


Rian and Melissa.


A versatile look, they say he look like he's from star trek, I think he looks like princess Leia from star wars.


Rian's back, Rian's front, and the xmas tree.


Rian and I.


Everyone at dinner. Cute Melissa!


Me looking amused at Ryan's antics.

Love is like Hickory Honeyed Ham.

In the movie, Christmas with The Kranks (which sucked, by the way), the Kranks had to plan a last minute Christmas party for their daughter-Blair's surprise homecoming, and Mrs Krank went through great pains to get this special brand of ham- the Hickory Honeyed Ham. She paid alot of money for the last one left in the supermarket, only to have it crushed under a truck after a dramatic slapstick stumble at the parking lot.

A mysterious guest (who was later revealed to be Santa himself)later brought a can of the precious ham to the party, at the last minute.

So we can tell how special this ham is to the Kranks, and Blair.

In one of the last scenes, Luther Krank took the can of ham to his neighbours, Mr and Mrs Walt Scheel, who was very sick. They could not go to the party, because Mrs Scheel was too sick to leave the house in the snow. Luther Krank offered the Hickory Honeyed Ham to the Scheels.

But Mr Scheel was allergic to pork, and Mrs Scheel didn't eat meat.

It is ironic, how something so special and good to one, could be useless, or even poison for another.

In the same way, you could do your best, all you can, try as hard, but if you were loving the wrong person, it wouldn't work.

Whose fault is it then?

Did Mr Scheel choose to be allergic to pork?

Should Mrs Scheel change from a vegan just so she can eat the very special Hickory Honeyed Ham bestowed by Luther?

No..

Luther did not express disappointment when he learnt that his special gift could not be appreciated the way he intended.

Everyone holds different values of things, through conditioning of their environment and thoughts. The Scheel would never come to fathom how important the gift of the Hickory Honeyed Ham was.

But at least Luther knew he gave his best....

"How do you capture a bird's spirit without killing it?"

My little brother asked this question of me this afternoon.

Here he is.


Leah and I at Mensa.


Some old pictures tt I missed uploading.

Lemon and the ladybug on her head.


Aileen was sick and poking at her tea.


Lemon and the ladybug products she endorses in.


Ace and I at Karaoke on some night.


Roger and I.

Lemon and I day.

At my bus stop


2 freaks on the bus.




Sleeping after the meal at Sushi Tei.

Blading day.

Four hours, baby!

Kat, Jerome and I went Billy Bombers before. Tho she wasnt her chirpy self today, my babe gave in and took a photo with me. Muah.


Hmm?


Pretty Ryan at dinner.


Random shots.

Laine and I bored at the National Education talk.


Mad Lemon outside Tangs.


Mad Lemon inside Marriott.


Aileen getting face painted by Lemon.


Aileen!


The handiwork.

I'll be eating my turkey with cranberry sauce

It was the year Christmas seemed like any other day. It was minutes before midnight, when I received a message to go to my block's void deck. And it was there he passed a box of turkey with cranberry sauce to me!

The taste seemed weird to me at first, but by the time I finished the box, I was in love with the combination of sweetness and texture of turkey.

It became the taste of christmas to me..

Ever since then, I would crave for this taste from time to time.

So this year, at Kat's, there will be some chanberry sauce. Anyone interested to join us, do drop me a line, I'll ask Kat for ya! =)

My wall of strength.

Is truth.

All my life, I have been a victim of my own emotions. I was the coward because I was afraid. The bastard when I was angry. The hurt, because I loved.

I'm the emotional basketcase. (A term I often use on myself, my closest babes are familiar with it.)

Does that mean I would stop feeling, stop loving? No, I figured I couln't do that to myself. So, being inventive, I am living my life as a pragmatic emo. Those words are practically opposites, I know. Guess by pulling two extremes together, I'm trying to balance my life.

So the next time I am painfully straightforward with you (no worries, I understand the art of tact), do forgive me, because it is my safest way out.

Because, contrary to popular belief, the truth always hurts the least.

Playing your game

First day of school!

Was an hour. And it seems like we've got alot of issues to start settling. Wonder how I'll do adapting to being a student again, and taking care of my group's matters. And I need to lose weight, together with that. I wore a spagetthi top today and I saw how fat I really am! Haha..

And I realized something really dumb. I've left my GPRS on for about 4 whole days. I wonder if I'll be charged for it. If yes, wish me luck. Damn my new phone.

Went to watch Shutter with James and Coco. Man. Those who haven't caught it, you quite should. Don't let others tell you spoilers, the surprises are the focus of the show. I applaud the thais and GMM pictures. Liang, as a photographer, catch it!

Shutter, The Incredibles, Saw, Bridget Jones Diary, Princess Diaries 2, Alexander. That's 6 movies in a month. Woot! And I HAVE to catch National Treasure and Without A Paddle.

Some fine day when we go walking
We'll take time for idle talking
Sharing every feeling as we watch each other smile
I'll hold your hand you'll hold my hand
We'll say things we never had planned
Then we'll get to know each other in a little while

But for now let me say I love you
Later on there'll be time for so much more
But for now meaning now and forever
Let me kiss you my darling then once more
Once more

What to say?

You and your glance makes this romance too hot to handle
Stars in the night blazin' their light can't hold a candle
To your razzle dazzle
You've got me flyin' high and wide
On a magic carpet ride
Full of butterflies inside
I just wanna cry
Wanna croon
Wanna laugh like a loon
It's that old devil moon in your eyes

Finally got a new babe in my life.
My big fat bulky siemens s65.
Some "1.3 mgp" pictures. The megapixels are quite redundant if the ISO and everything else is not up to standard.

Pics have been resized.

Lem and I @ sch in the locker room.


Lem fooling around in my sunglasses while travelling.


Lesbianic bunch.


Rian and Lem at Roger's, they call this their JIEMEI pose.


Lem and I going back home, bloaty and sleepy.


Thanks Roger for the yummy steamboat. =)

And LEMON WOMAN READ THIS. Though we get on each other's nerves too much at times, you are really a sweetie pie. Always waiting around for me to finish doing my things, even if it's doing nothing. And always coming back for more of lili. =) I don't think you're an ego head, just so innocent and easy to cheat sometimes.. haha.. And I do appreciate you for saying things that you mean, making you one of the few genuine people left in the world. Stay the same, though it will mean us arguing as much. I promise i will try to be less stubborn. Loveyaaaaa!

我一个人吃饭 旅行 到处走走停停
也一个人看书 写信 自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你...

The chinese language has a kind of alluring feeling of romance that I find unmatched.Loneliness, melancholy, loss, pain, seem to take a different, more versatile shape when spoken in chinese. Each noun and adjective changes the intensity or simplicity of the same feeling. I'm not into chinese literature at all, yet sometimes the simple sentences or lines of lyrics seem to say so much more than alphabets can say to me.

叶子 是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀 是落在天上的叶子
天堂 原来应该不是妄想
只是我早已经遗忘
当初怎么开始飞翔

please use unicode (utf-8) for character encoding to view the chinese characters.

Back to School, Wee!

I feel like a student again! I'm now in the campus library, using a "Spark PC". There's the sound of waves playing in the background, and hardly anyone in the area. Probably the best time to be around in here is weekday morning during the holidays. Waiting for time to pass and Lemon to reach school and we'll start swimming.

The last week certainly did pass by in a whiz, I met so many people that I care about, many of them for several times. Counting down the days til school term actually commences, I have 7 days. Counting down the days til I am released into the real working force, I have 5 months. That's a little scary. I still want to be a little student in the safe sea of little students, where we all swing and laugh in synchronization. Hahaaa.. If that makes sense.

Those of you from TP but don't utilize the facilities, I say, please do! Damn we pay a hundred bucks every semester to the mysterious "miscelleneous" fund, and this is where they spend it on. New IBMs and carpeting in the library. Loads. LOADS of DVDs. Music and ambience and great books. This is TP's third floor heaven. Come along come along!

=) i miss having loads of people around me!!

若非你只是贪玩的蝴蝶?

Supper with the guys last night.




Lemon coming over to stay the previous night.


Kat cooking for us a few days ago.


Hmm I did meet so many people I care about in the past few days.
=)

The Good Ole 4G loving.

The birthday James and his Co.


All 12 of us. Kat, Liang, Fat, LeWei, Gawain, Berji, Mel, Lu, Nat, Co, and James.








kat could have been hungry..


At LeWei's, after 5 months of MIA.

心若破了你要怎么赔?

Some pictures from few days back.

Sentosa

Kat driving Jerome and I there. She was trying to smile but had to pay attention to the road.


Rian luking pretty pleasant.


After all the nonsense, everyone luking a lil stretched.

B I T C H

Babe In Total Control of Herself.

Kinda wacky, that line.

I would never understand how some girls can actually be proud to brand themselves as bitches. Spunky-ness I like. Attitude, I can understand. But let's draw the line at them who have loose tounges and wears them on their sleeves. It used to be cool, when I was younger, to see older girls who dared speak their minds. She got carried away, as time went by. (Kat if you read this, I think you would be thinking of the same few characters as I have in mind.) She then writes the term bitch on her forehead, hiding behind the term, giving herself and other people an excuse to use loud and obnoxious words, tactlessly lashing out at people verbally.

If anyone dares comments, she'd go: "Yeah I know I'm a bitch. So whatchugonnadoaboutthat?"

-sigh- Nothing, I suppose.

This template doesn't support titles.

I've changed the template of this site, something that I've not done in ages. I like the way the focus of the layout are the words.

Blogging at it's simplest form. I think those of you who actually follow this site would understand that I've already lost touch in writing, and resort mostly to pictures and captions to speak my words for me.

If you told me, a year ago, that blogging can feel so foreign to me, and I would have laughed at you. That was how much of a lifestyle it was to me. However, the fear of reliving my break-up woes and petty concerns has regressed my habit of churning out my feelings online, throughout the past year or so.

Yet now it feels refreshingly good. FF = Fresh Foreign. I've rediscovered the novelty of blogging for tonight. I would say it's due to blog browsing.

Blogging has become a legitimate hobby in our society, and I think, on it's way to becoming a vocation. It is, indeed a community in itself. I have forgotten how inspiring it could be to read other people's articles.

Does this mean I have too much idle time on my hands again?

For those from TP, anyone who's gonna be in Psychology? Or has a really really slack timetable? I end at 1 practically everyday, would be requiring some activity partners. =) lol.

Time to eat grass.

Far East oh Far East, where art my pay?

-empty stare-

My goodness, I'm unbelievably bored.

I shall hit borders with my vouche! -kizz- izran yan ace.

Today is the day..

My key ring is lighter by the weight of 2 keys.
My presence was celebrated.
I felt appreciated uncountable times.
I shook many warm hands.
I smiled many sad smiles.
I took many pictures! =)
I received many gifts.
I felt like hugging everyone.

I said goodbye...

Some of the stuff that peeps gave me. That's my bouquet of butterflies, I love them.
Thanks again, podgie sugar.


The food that the Izran n Yanni n Ace got for us.


The car that I'm gonna miss looking at.


Housekeeping Lisa and Ace.


Sweeet Nathan from housekeeping. I love the way he says "EMBER" everytime he sees me. =)


Jimmy, housekeeping. He has no temper, and the cutest perky butt. =P


Diana the kind and weathered. Thanks for the stories..


Liang from maintenance. He always punches me, and beats up Izran.
Gonna miss his strikes. =]


One from maintenance, doing the fake smile with me. =D


Siew from maintenance specially changed out of his uniform to take this blurry pic with me outside the locker rooms. =) thanks for the well wishes siew!


Security uncle Ismail, always talking about his wife's cooking and trying to give me relationship advice.. Haha.. =)


Wacky Jean from Biz Centre, always ready to gossip.


Frank, one of my tenants from Hungary. Unfortunately I only managed to catch 2 guys, everyone else was rushing to work.


Chris, the tall curly haired monster.
And I mean that in the most endearing way possible.


Mason, our permanent night. He has the BEST hair.


Izran, the mentor, relationship adviser, gossip pal, friend. =) One of those I will dearly dearly miss.


Ace, she's too skinny. I'll miss her the most.


Yanni, a truly strong lady of wonderful character.


Me trying to imitate Mujad, the bossman.


A pretty horrible picture of everyone, but it means alot to me all the same.


it's so weird to know that you guys are not gonna be part of my everydays anymore, though everyone is so different in central square, somehow it just blends. each of you have shared your stories with me, given me advice, or made me smile in the course of these months.

i wish i never lose these pieces of you all, no matter how small or big.

Save the future

Try not to use plastic bags when you go to the supermarket.

4 days countdown.

I was all depressed yesterday, headache and all.
Jerome came and brought me to dinner at Brewerkz. All the pizza and beer worked in cheering me up, as we can see. Haha.. =)



Great place, Brewerkz. I'm glad I didn't go earlier in my SIP, it would probably eat out a big portion of my allowance. The beer is pretty good, they make it themselves. Ambience is perfect, but not too flambouyant. And it's not too pricey either. Plus, they make all desserts themselves. I think it's a pretty genuinely sincere restaurant, I like it.

My dead queen.

I dreamt that the queen was letting out a long breadth of air It looked like she was exhaling smoke but non-stop for a few mins When I extended my hand to touch the smoke it was cold Then the smoke stopped but I still didn't understand what went on The prince told me that she has died I reached over and took one of her shoes and turned it upside down And it was empty Somehow that was revelation for the truth for me I fell back into the prince's arms and felt unbelievable grief.

My prince reassured me that it was ok but I could not stop crying He sang me a song but I don't remember the words anymore It was about me lasting forever to him neverending and neverending I felt loved and I loved him inside out and I just floated in his arms.

A dream about death + love. Weird way dreams work..

Mama Mia, Blading, and Dog.

Mama mia fun! Still abit aching over Jerome's money spent tho. =P



Roger at east coast park, before embarking on a long and sloooow journey on blades.


Went to my sis's work today, and a huge alaskan malamute walked in for grooming. He was SO huge. And amazing.
Zeus. A perfect name for such a majestic dog.


My sis was cleaning his ears and he didn't like it.

Eleven

The number of days I have left can be counted using my fingers and toes.
Kinda starting to dawn on me that I'm leaving, and am a tad sad. Maybe it's just the late night blues.. =)

desire.

from behind these walls i hear your song,
oh sweet words.
music that you play lights up my world.
sweetest that i heard.
could it be?
could it be that i've been touched and turned?

seems like the counting down of days to freedom from the internship period is all everyone can talk about.

I can't wait either, seriously.

I can't wait not having to go to work everyday, put on my happy face for my tenants when they come home. I love the people, I love serving. But sometimes I just want to have the freedom to sulk. I know it sounds childish, but it's nice to know that the choice is still yours.

suddenly i miss this period in secondary school, when i went to basketball practice everyday. and this guy who liked me, from another school, would be there. he had the most beautiful smile and big kiddy eyes. we'd all play silly shooting games after the PT, and he would referee at our practice matches. it was a phoenomenal feeling, the warm stirring in my heart when i saw him smile at me in the small moments. =) and we had so much fun together..

after all the battles and the wars,
the scars and loss.
i'm still the queen of my domain.

A photo a day.

Sums up my week.

Food at Magic Wok. This photo is literally making me salivate.


Ace and I on the cab to Punggol.


Lemon and Bubu. I visited them. =) Bubu is the BEST snogger.


Miker and I travel home from our committments.


And find a novelty new to us, the Dinosaur.
And I'm told the milo powder on this is not thick enough.. Hmm...

Fuzzy and warm

Junkie.

I'm totally addicted to Meiji yoghurt, and am eating it compulsively.

In fact, it's all kinds of food. Ever since I've stopped smoking, I'm thinking about something to put in my mouth, savoury, sweet, juicy, light, creamy, saucy..

I'm supposed to be dieting, but just today I ate 5 servings of yoghurt, 3 chocolate bars, a serving of muslim break fast porridge, lunch my mom made, maggimee. And miker came along to csq, and brought a cream puff. And then we went to bedok to have dinosaur.

Ember.. Is this the way to shed the kilos?

All in all today was a good day tho. I spoke to alot of the people I love. =)

Ace's place

Ace lent us her place, and prepared steamboat dinner for us last night.
=)

Here are some random pictures they took after.

Rian.


Ryan.


Rian and Ace. He makes the weirdest faces.


Ryan and Ace. Are we seeing a pattern here? Haha..


Ryan and Pooh.. And we wonder what's the difference between a 26 year old and a 16 year old..


Rian and Pooh..


A break in the pattern! Ace and her baby godson.


And we're back to Rian and Ryan..


Ace and I. =)

Kor's Birthday

Photos dumping time.

Do we look high? Do we? Do we??
Sis, me and my birthday kor.


Uncle Eddie and Auntie Mayble.


Debbie n Ember: The Scandal.


Blur picture of Kor and I.


The toast.


The real toast. (that's cake on his face aight)

Womack

Old song that hit me and made me smile yesterday.
They may just be lyrics but they're worth readin.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give fate the fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small when you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith the fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,

I hope you dance.

Heaven is a place on Earth.

The day I know I will enjoy marriage more than the wedding itself, is the day I am ready to get married.

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s
Always tomorrow

The sister. The daughter. The student. The loved. The lover. The friend.

I live a life, just like everybody else, of constantly trying to define myself.

The non-believer. The carefree. The lost. The fallen. The feared. The fearful.

I am guilty of talking more than acting. Not trying to falsify credit by acknowledging that as a fact. But sometimes I get tired. Tired of the ceaseless need to be correct, to be innocent, true, and real. And failing. I am not fashinably sinned, dangerous, or even naughty. But I'm the in between. I live in the neighbourhood of the grey areas. Where all the guilty, tainted, procrastinators, chronic liars and dirty girls live.

I try. All I am is not what I was taught to be, but what I learnt to be. No one made me into who I am, but me.

But when I close my eyes, it's not contentment or peace I feel. (Close your eyes and frown, you'll know roughly what I mean.) Beneath all that trying, I know there is a lack of substance. Of assurance that knowing that if I fail myself and break down, there is nothing real for me to fall on. No acheivements, no possesions, nothing stable. It makes me wonder, why do I keep trying then?

-sigh- For all of you thinking, "She needs a boyfriend", that is not what this is about, ok.. Seriously. =)

Peace is not something you find, it's a journey.

3782.

That's how many photos I have in my hundred of folders. If my hard drive crashes, I shall feel very much like killing myself.

I decided to get some developed, and am in the middle of going through as many of the photos as it is possible. It's having a drug kinda effect on me, I'm experiencing a kind warm happiness that has been elusive for quite some time.

I'm glad I have these photos to help me remember, and I'm even more glad I had those times, and all the people that are and were with me. All the laughter joy and tears! =) Reallly really glad.

-extensive hug- to kat liang lemon thehospibabes james wei berji lu fat nick therestoftheex4Gguys ken sentosa changibeach mydog mysis theguysatcsq theguysfrommaginet angela elaine jasmine sining huey qing fireworks barbeques chalets hotels kisses chins hugs smiles and

life.

Saying I love you all is less than what it is.

The sun rises on the coast on the eastside.

Hitting eastcoastpark and a tiny barbeque in farewell to Michael.

That's him!


And Roger came in hot pink. A man secure with his sexuality, we see.


And Ace came in a more subtle shade. =) Babe!


Ace and Mike.


And the guys start trying to get some Ace-lovin.. Jerome.


Rian.


Rian, again. Haha..


Mike.


Ryan and Ace.


Rian and I. They say that Rian means little king. So.. The king and I.


The other king and I.


Boys will always be boys.




Aces and Kings.


Mike and I walking Ace to get her cab.

My camera feels deprived..

I think I know why I take so much less pictures these days..
Everyone else has cameras and it doesnt make sense to be taking the same pictures with different cameras. Miss the days when my camera could feel special. Haha..

The one above is of Rian in sentosa, during sunset.

Tantalizing Breakfast.

I ruined my toast.

I put facial wash on it.

Yes, you read right. FACIAL WASH on my TOAST.
I was taking it to bring out later, when the toaster 'tinged' at me. So I walked over with facial wash in hand, and made facial toast. I did not bite into it, of course. The sight of greenish goo on crispy bread does eventually wake you up.

cor, isn't life interesting?

(I hope I get paid today..)

Is there anyone out there?

Because it's gettin harder and harder to breathe.

Don't we just love Maroon 5?

Lemon loving, I got recently. Her dog smells absolutely smashingly wonderful.

I think she looks a little like kiera knightly in this one.
Sexy? Lemon's become a little lady..


Saw Peifang and Alvin at Cartel. Those two have it bad.
Cartel has a screwy attachment scheme. Thank God they are at least learning to be stronger from all that overworking. Over soon.


Meanwhile, Lemon and I teased the boundaries for the rules of acceptable social conduct.


Riiiight?


2 seconds later, this rib fell and left a huge stain on my pants.


The following shots need no captions, I'm thinking..






Oh my. Lemon in bat mobile. Music and all.


This calls for a second shot with a different angle, and a close look at her expression there. Hahaaa..


=) Quite a Lemon.

I want to live life in a wooden house.

While all that discussion about ipods and MuVos was goin on between liang and tristan, I went out and got myself the pink one.

Look how freakishly huge my hand appears. (is.)

Chocolat

-GREAT BIG STRETCH+YAWN-

-smile-

I'm revelling in the leisure of the morning. Though my head feels a little funny from the fitful sleep last night, plus I know I'm gonna be quite miserable towards the last few hours of my shift today, I'm reading the papers like as if I really enjoy it. Haha.. Breakfast was a soup I woke up at 6 to make. And exercise was a walk to buy milk with the puppydawg.

-sorry- to kat and liang cuz i can't go to the comex fair with/to visit you guys.. liang i hope u get the ipod.. not. hurhur -attack the pillow of a tummy-

Joanne Peh's ringtone ads are gross.

A Question.

Anger, hatred, passion, love, pain.

Kenny is blonde.

67 days down.
91 days to go.
3 months.
12 weeks.

To a break in the routine chain. To another halfshot at education, to another halfchance to work hard.

Quote of the week by Liang: "My stomach is cute like a pillow."

Put on my happy face.

They say that everybody loses 21 grammes of their body weight the exact moment they die.

Everybody.

My Silver Lining

HUGE HUGE HUGE dark cloud.

Thing about clouds is that they never stay in the same spot. Not ever. No matter how huge or dark they are, they either get blown away in time, or rain down on earth and flow awayyy into the depths of dirt.

Thanks to the angels in my friends that God sent to help me in my tough times.

To James who is there with the big-man-hugs, and the words and scolding.

To Liang, who can joke in the most deadpan serious way that it makes me laugh in my tears, stand up and walk when all I feel like doing is disintegrating.

To all my friends, whom I have neglected due to self involvement and procrastination.

Most of all, to these two babes of angels:

To my dear dear Ceng, whose attitude in life jolted me awake. For inspiring me without even trying to, at a time when I most needed hope and faith in life. Who is fun to speed shop with. Whose leaving makes me realize I'm fortunate that I have her around me for now.

To Kat, who didn't care whether I wanted love or not, and is just there to love me. For showing up at my door when I refused her calls, for bringing the hugs to me when I didn't go to her for them. For being the wise and level headed best friend.

I may be neurotic and quiet at times, messed up and crazy at others, but I wished I could be wiser and a better person. For me, for all of you. Love love love love yas.

Refuse me.

I'm on the outside, I'm looking in.
And I can see through you.
See your true colours.
Inside you're ugly, ugly like me.
Cuz I can see through you, see the real you.

I'm a speck.

An unnoticed blemish on the face of this earth.
I kick and scream at things so they turn and realize my existence, and "tsch" at me. Then they flick me off with their nail.

-yells fading.. fades.-

And I land somewhere with a tiny splat. Then I do the kicking thing, followed by the tsching thing, then the yelling thing.

Is this the way my world spins?

I look at those "I am strong" girls, and sometimes I pretend I'm like them. But when I walk home I just start crying and having to walk faster because I need a tissue. Haha.

Besides the speck theory, my life also feels like a restaurant. People come at lunch, the place is bursting with life and clinkclanks of the plates and forks, chatter, laughter and aroma of food. After lunch, the trickle of people lessens to just a few close friends enjoying drinks and conversation. At dinner, it's romance and dancing, roses and kisses. Then quiet. People drive away, and the restaurant watches. The brightness outside is glaring in contrast to the unlit interior.

My life is the restaurant. I probably am the old lady who cleans the floor.

Or the speck.

Carnival of Lights.

Kat and I met at the Esplande to catch some action of fire and magic.

We bought a Subway and were there 2 hours early, simply for the lack of things to do. We were lucky we got there early. The crowd grew like you'd never believe.

Kat looks really cute and radiant in this blurry pic, and I look like a dork with my hairthingamagik between my teeth.


I swear I didn't make her cry.


Kat pondering in peace, oblivious about the two million people sitting behind her.


Got there early and dug into the sandwich. See how much Kat loves those?


Death hug.


Some grads from some U walking like runway models.


Kat gets nostalgic.


I was disgusted, at something.


A frame that was taken at least a billion times by thousands.


And the magic was all worth it.


Fat came to join us just before the fireworks started, but the crowd was so whaapa! that he couldnt get to us. But here's a lousy picture of him and I at some void deck after supper.

Wits' Beginning.

We have alot to lose, true.

But we have EVERYTHING to gain.

I like you, and you like me. There isn't a simpler equation than that.And not another more beautiful.

Just wanna be there to listen, to comfort, to hold, and to get thru together. And I want just those things from you. Stop making it so complicated.

Just tell me if you don't love me. Say it. Say it and it will all be over.

She thought you cared.

Men constantly whine about not bveing able to read women's minds.

Truth is, do you guys even bother?

How many guys go home and read their girlfriends' blog word for word, taking in all in no matter how wordy and lengthy the posts are? It sounds like such a petty thing to do, to be angry with your man because he did not read your blog. -rolls eyes- But the way she sees it, is that if anyone should bother to read her thoughts and words, it should be you more than anyone else.

So what if they're marafungustic words? So what if it's just bimbotic comments of the ongoings of her days?

Those are just your excuses. Plainly, you just don't care. It doesnt make a spot of a difference to you.

The reason why girls stop being gentle after the beginning of a relationship is because guys stop noticing it.

I hate ultimatums. I hate you.

Your mom and me.

Everything's gonna be ok.

I've said that line more times than I believe it in the last few weeks. It's not that I'm afraid to face this world by myself, but it seems to be getting scarier and scarier. Who's there left to trust?

Been thinking that instead of getting a car or a bike when I have money, I shall get myself a van. Haha.. I will stock the back with books, and install lights.

It feels like I'm lying naked in the middle of a huge plain on a winter's night. Grinning. And saying out loud "It's not cold, it's not cold, it's not cold."

But it sure is.

Check My Man.

Alright, he isn't mine.
But look how bright and shiny!

check.
Give his videos a peek, I think it's the brit accent that gets me at the uterus.

I'm fooling somebody
A faithless path to roam
Deceiving to breath this secretly
This silence, a silence I can't bear

I was sitting in the train on the way to work. I had finished reading the book that was in my bag, so I got to thinking. How many times have you poked someone in the nostril?

I've done it 3 times I think. All Liang. When Liang and I hang out it's pretty routine. We sit around and talk, he farts and laughs, and I do the molecules thing and he laughs somemore. Then he opens his mouth and falls asleep.

Fireworks day! Sunday. Remember to go hang out at Marina, everyone.

Feigned excitement.

Complains.

Right now, it's really hard to feel excited in life. Really machiam to look forward to anymore. Now I understand why girls like to cut their hair after break ups. So that they can expect some reaction from their friends, and know that there is still a hint of existence.

Let's see. I'm getting quite bored of my SIP, and they owe me 2 months pay. My hormones are going mad and giving me bad skin. I have to go to a wedding ALONE on sunday. Out of cash, out of cash, out of cash.

But I have Janet Evanovich's book 7, 8, 9, and 10 to look forward to. My only security left. Wow life is sad.

-points fingers at everyone else- you guys are lucky, ok? hurhur.. =)

Liang and AnLi KaoBeis.

We are like those huge, dumb guys u see on tv.
White trash.
For those from Anglican, you might have a vague understanding for the following lengthy conversation. And I apologize to the people that were in the line of our fire. Haha..

late night gentle msn humour.

hole in the head. says: and fat made up this joke

<^> bodoh macham ! says: wadwad wad..

<^> bodoh macham ! says: im betting my ass its lame..

hole in the head. says: that deno's tattoo was a dino

<^> bodoh macham ! says: .......................................

hole in the head. says: haha

<^> bodoh macham ! says: im gonna do a munjing

<^> bodoh macham ! says:-_-.........................................

hole in the head. says: haha

hole in the head. says: WRONG

<^> bodoh macham ! says: -_-"'....................................

hole in the head. says: yea

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hahah!

<^> bodoh macham ! says: ha ha ha..

hole in the head. says: -_-"""""""""""""""

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hah ha hah ha/.

<^> bodoh macham ! says: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

<^> bodoh macham ! says: ha ha ha..

hole in the head. says: -_-"""""

hole in the head. says: *PENGZZZZ*

<^> bodoh macham ! says: smoke... on the wahter..........

<^> bodoh macham ! says: fall off chair..

hole in the head. says: *pengz*

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hahahaha

hole in the head. says: haha

hole in the head. says: not much left to do

<^> bodoh macham ! says: yar..

<^> bodoh macham ! says: only these few..

hole in the head. says: let's do james

hole in the head. says: on the count of 3

hole in the head. says: 1

hole in the head. says: 2

hole in the head. says: 3

hole in the head. says: BAMMMM!!!!!!!

<^> bodoh macham ! says: bam!!!!

hole in the head. says: hahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hahahaahhahahaah.....

<^> bodoh macham ! says: hai..

<^> bodoh macham ! says: we are so kb..

Alright, I'm fickle.

I'm back! A clean slate, or so I think.

I tried blogging for myself awhile,
but it became too personal and I was losing a little control there.
So I think I should blog here,
I might control myself abit if I was worried people were gonna judge me from what I was writing. Haha..

That's what blogging has become, isn't it? Creating an image for your life and yourself, assuring your readers/friends that you are fine, announcing the grievances that your boyfriend and sluts and bitches have dealt to you.

This industry is about hyprocrisy. In fact, this generation is filled with phoneys.

And I am becoming cynical.

*pops champange in celebration*

My cosy little pleasant blog.

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